Yesterday

Starting to feel the slightest bit of ickish. Just enough ickish that makes me mopey. On another note, I don't think I'm happy with how I've done this blog so far. I think I'm just going to go back to my old style: daily updates, random musings, and detailed images concerting my day and feelings. The way I always wrote in Live journal and prior journal notebooks. I think my oldest entry was either in first or second grade and essentially I've always had a certain way of writing--introspective battles and the c'est la vie hand toss in the air sentiment.

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For instance this morning: I held the glass cup up to Sylvia's mouth and tilted back the pulpy orange juice. She said,"mmmmm good!," and would tap the glass with her finger for me to give her more. I was wrapped in my red Snuggie and she in her Green and White Flower and Cat pj's. There was already remnants of the banana nut bread crumbs we had shared earlier, that I had made last night in my attempt to be productive and less wasteful, (let's get real though it sounded yummy too!) scattered on me and I'm sure the floor. The floor is crumb city. I wonder if Sylvia knows that while I watch her gulp orange juice, I am completely enamored with her cuteness as in her big blue globe eyes, lithe eyelashes going up and down, tongue slurping, her voice brightly spiraling and bouncing out of her like rainbow bubbles splashing me in the face. Later in the morning I gave her the icing left from the cinnamon roll I had just eaten and she gave me numerous pecks on the mouth, shoulder pats, and hugs. When I give her sweets she shows the utmost gratitude. And I am eating up all the sugar!

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The rest of the day I hammered through the house doing this and that in my frantic quick paced neurotic beat the invisible clock momentum. I had Taco Hell (Bell) for lunch and it is quickly picking up that I want beans. I had a bean burrito yesterday as well and for dinner this evening I ordered out once again for Bob Evan's bean soup--it's just salted so well! Sylvia and I were both getting restless in this house, as we both always do, and so a walk around town was in order. November has been absolutely dreamy here--averaging probably 60 degrees most days with lots of beautiful sunbeams! I put Sylvia's pumpkin hat on her pumpkin head :) and walk her down our stairs to her red wagon. She has a sippy cup full of milk and is eager to run at the park. When we get there we are greeted with the canopy of the trees and the sunlight puzzle pieces on the ground in the shapes of leaves, and I unbuckle Sylvia. She instantly puts her small hands on the back to push. She loves to help and to show me she can do things and I praise her over and over for it. She still waddles whiles she runs and points out all the trees, picking up her favorite leaves, and saying hi to every biker and dog walker that passes us. She puts her size 6 shoe on the base of a tree in attempt to climb, but soon realizes she needs more time.

What's Up With Us

• I am exhausted. I'm creating a human being and so it makes sense. In turn, I cannot keep my eyes open past 9p.m. I will just be flat asleep by then.
• Suddenly I feel overwhelmed by all of the lists I want to make and having the time to fulfill my lists. We have X-mas parties, a birthday party, presents,baking, groceries,decorating,... All the things I Love, hence why I am so burdened. Isn't everything a contradiction? I just have amazing daydreams which have never coincided well with reality, but I try, kinda. I truly think my laziness stems from the fact that I have to envision in every sector imaginable related to what I love bringing forth immediate madness, clutter, and finally exhaustion before I start...did I mention I'm also in my 1st trimester!
• Important Note: Sylvia said she Loves ME back to ME. She said, "I yo yo!" (melt me).
• Jonathan is being a big help with getting some things cleaned up in this house. He is officially on part laundry duty. He is taking everything down the 3 flights of stairs and then back up when I have folded them :) I had to arrange this immediately before I get too large.
• I am extremely allergic to Cairo our cat. I am making new living arrangements for Cairo. I've asked Yai Yai to take him in; in attempt that he can mingle in with her cats and become an integrated member of the Frazier household--cross your fingers! Sylvia loves him to death and so this would be a good compromise. I just can't take the swollen eyes, itchy face, and sneezing anymore! (I am not a pill taker, so I haven't taken a Claritin...I'm just kinda weird like that).
• I need to set up my easel in my room again and see a canvas in desperation, staring at me to finish or to start, every morning. I need constant reminding and also approval.
• I hope that one morning I will wake up and be confident, through and through, completely vanquished of anxiety and self deprecation: to defeat the defeatist: kinda ironic,hugh?
• Of course I have paint colors on the mind. Why can't I just be satisfied? Then again you should keep changing things until you are satisfied,right? maybe not, but I want to liven up our bathroom. At one time, I was keen on neutral city, but it's getting some green in there, brown rugs, and a dark gray coat on the vanity and drawers. Still sounds nuetral, but I'm thinking more Bright Earthy. And with a new baby, we are switching Sylvia to the guest bedroom--which will soon be a lovely shade of lilac and her old room will be for the new one. Their sex will determine the color scheme...the generic blue or pink probably because I want to celebrate early and really play up girly or boyish.
• I haven't bought music for over 2 months. I feel like I have been disconnected somewhere. All I know is there is a new Kings of Convenience and Flaming Lips I must get/listen to soon. Admittedly,my music fever has died down a lot since becoming a mother. I Just want to have substance and sustenance of sound and most of the time that has me reaching for the oldies but goodies, like: Joni Mitchell, Simon and Garfunkel, Cat Stevens, and America.
• Sylvia is the happiest when she is running outside. This girl is not one for lines or sit down restaurants,that is FOR SURE.
• Jonathan and I are currently amore with Curb Your Enthusiasm. Even though it's been on for years, we've only recently fallen into it's addictiveness.
• Bowls of cereal are yet again a favorite of mine. O how good milk is, even though it's lactose free for me nowadays, probably because I overdid the milk consumption when I was preggos with The Sylvz.
• I feel like I haven't been on track this year for some reason. You know that internal assessment you have going on? I sware, who needs to work for The Man when you have a mind like mine?! "Damn the Man, Save The Empire!" ~Empire Records quote. I'll be taking New Year's seriously this year,seriously.

Enjoy Your Weekend!

Bask in the glow.

I am pregnant with Bambino #2

After a couple of months of trying for a baby, early Friday morning (like 4:50 a.m.), I anxiously peed on the stick and since it was taking longer than a second and my nerves were crazy, I decided to get back in bed and be surprised later in the morning. Well, I can't wait! You all know me! I tossed, I turned, I jumped up and started quickly towards the bathroom and then peeked at the stick. Shock,Surprise,happiness butterflies(I like to rhyme)...there they were...the indication lines. Immediately,I wondered, who is this, who made it to my egg, what all got scrambled together, who is this person, condensed tightly in an every changing bundle of cells growing and developing rapidly to the orchestra of life. I couldn't imagine a boy or girl, yet, just a person that I already love and am devout to. I am your mom. You are my child. I tapped the door open and said softly and excitedly to Jonathan,"I'm pregnant!" He was smiles. We cuddled together in a happy sigh of success.

I never went back to sleep that morning. My mental pace started off slowly,...just relishing in the fact, that in fact I was going to have another baby. Then it was rapid fire: their room, the pregnacy journey, the delivery, Sylvia as an only child is over, I want to absorb all the time I can with her a lone before the next one comes along,the responsibility is doubling, what will he or she look like?...

I have calculated the due date, because we were trying this time.I know exactly when I started last month and you are to add 7 days to the beginning of your last period and then add 9 months to that date. So, July 16th is the day. A summer baby!! They can have outdoor birthday parties!! Happy happy joy joy!! They will most likely be a Cancer, according to the zodiac. What I know about Cancers is they are all about family,very domesticated in their duties, the moon is their planet, they outpoor love but are moody creatures inwardly, and they are drawn to the theatre. Also they are a water sign.

Let the journey begin...

Enjoy Your Weekend!

Have some couch time this weekend!

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We are having two Thanksgiving celebrations this year. Jonathan's brother Matthew is in town, so Sara and Bob are hosting a Thanksgiving spread tomorrow. This usually includes: Turkey(of course), sweet potato casserole, stuffing balls, mashed potatoes, green beans,possibly ham, and her staple bowl of addictive and salty Chex Mix. I also hear that Sara may be able to get us the decadent carrot cake we all so adore. Needless to say with all of the sweets, carbs, and turkey sleepies, we will add to the carb mix by being couch potatoes.

I Have Found My Leopard Cardigan

Leopard 3/4th sleeve Cardigan at Forever 21.

Great price point at: $22.80!

Jamie Bommer's Birthday Party.

Last week, my friend Jamie had her birthday get together in Pittsburgh. The name escapes me, but go to her entry on the night with a link to the eaterie. Plus, her blog is adorable. I tend to be very sensitive to Indian spices-- in a good way! I'm not sure which spice it is in particular, or if it is the combination, but whenever I have a spicey dish that delivers heat I go mental. The ingredients go straight to my brain like a glass of cheap champagne and the giggles explode...literally. There is little warning. It's as if the spices tickle my brain and I am induced to laughter. Laughter is as contagious as sneezing, and so for about five minutes us girls in particular are laughing and crying(well I do anyway when I laugh too hard), and are in this space, reduced of little oxygen, lending to absurd giddyness. I value those times. To share a good laugh is to share happiness. I believe laughing is a mental detox. I always feel cleaned out upstairs afterwards. But I digress, the food was so comforting, especially the Idly. I could write a ditty about the Idly. It's some kind of lentil patty that is warm, and feels like freshly baked bread, you break it up into pieces and dip it in this spicey vegetable soup (for lack of it's technical name), and it's pure indulgence. The evening brought wonderful conversations and comedic exchanges. I think these people are great!

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p.s. In the top left picture that's a crepe' not a napkin. You want "to go to there," as Tina Fey made famous on 30 Rock, don't you?